I'm Cultured AF

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I'm Cultured AF


First Experience

Hop of the long ass plane ride and finally I'm in Europe, Austria to be exact and I got another three hour drive to Polzela, Slovenia. I'm nervous af cuz I'm supposed to find some random ass dude and I don't have any wifi. But on the bright side I see some bad ones in he airport so I'm thinking hell yeah I'm on. Luckily I come out baggage claim and there's some sketchy ass Slovenian dude with some bootleg sign with my name on it. I'm like smooth that was easy I walk up to bruh and I'm like what's good man I'm Royce I'm excited to be here and shit. He gives me this retarded ass smile and hits me with the I don't speak English. I'm like ah shit I gotta take a 3 hour ride with this nigga and he don't speak no English. When I say that was the most awkward 3 hour drive of my life I might be under exaggerating. Plus the nigga was going hella fast I'm thinking do they not enforce mufuggin speed laws out here he better slow down for he gets us locked up. We eventually get to this little ass town and he takes me to get some food. He meets up with some other dude there and they start speaking Slovenian and lookin at me. Slovenian sounds mean af so I'm trying to decipher if they talkin shit or not, but I'm like fuck it I'm just trying to see the crib. They finally take me to my crib at this apartment complex. I take the elevator up and open the door and I was culture shocked like crazy. There's some Slovenian bull shit music video on tv and there's no one in there. I go to the bathroom and they got some weird ass bath with a shower head you have to hold and spray yourself with. I'm like no wonder Europeans smell like shit they got bull shit ass shower baths. But anyways I go to the fridge to see what's poppin and there's nothing but some sardines and some weird meat type deal. I'm like aw hell naw this some weird shit. Also dryers don't exist in Europe so there clothes hanging and shit I'm lookin at a niggas drawers and shit I was mad af. Then I go to my room and it's this tiny ass room with like a twin bed and no sheets. Shit look like a prison cell so now I'm really trippen. Thinking like I can't do this shit no way especially for 8 months. Im about to call my agent and be like send me back home but I'm like fuck it Imma sleep on it. I take a little nap cuz I'm tired af and I'm woken up by some niggas that sound like they turnt up. I go outside and I see my roomates turnt af. I'm like smooth as least these nighas is cool and not some squares. One of my roomates named Marko is cool af he speak semi English but somehow me and that nigha always knew what each other meant and that's how this journey begins.


First day of practice and I'm juiced cuz I'm ready to give these niggas buckets but I'm hoping they don't have us doing some extra shit. I show up expecting some gear like a practice jersey or some shit and realize everybody is in their own shit. I'm like this weak but at least I brought hella hoop shit. My teamates hella cool all they really care about is getting drunk and hoopin which is chill with me. What's crazy though is our gym is a elementary schools gym and we gotta wait for these little ass kids to get off the court before we can hoop. And also what elementary school needs a big ass gym like that but fuck it im just going with the flow. Practice was cake all we do is stretch for 30 minutes and then play 5 on 5. After that we would have practice twice a day but the morning practice was just some stretching and shooting which was chill with me.

First Thottie

After about a week I'm thinking to myself man I need some bunz and to my surprise tinder was lit. I get a couple matches and start writing to plant some seeds. One chick on there hits me back asap talking about I should go with her and her home girl to Ljubljana which is the Capitol. I'm a little skeptical but I'm like fuck it why not this some experience type shit. I put on a smooth little fit go to the coffee shop pound a couple brews to get a little pre fade in case she wack af. She comes and scoops me and of course she is a solid 5 but I'm like fuck it I need some buns desperately. Turns out she hella cool people she in there blasting some rap and she speak good English. We in the car jiggin and we go pick up another hooper for her friend and we left for Ljubljana which is like a 45 minute drive. We get there and it's beautiful there's a smooth river walk and a big ass castle. There's like a center square and hella people walking and chillen. I'm sitting there listening to her talk about some bull shit and it's really hitten me that I'm overseas. After chillen for a couple hours we drive back and she drops a nigga off. I'm thinking to myself like bruh she weak but she cool but I dk if I'm trying to smack. Of course that goes down the drain a couple nights later when I'm dumb ass faded and hit her up at like 2 in the morning. She talking about she can come but she gotta stay till like 7 when she goes to work and my drunk ass agrees. She comes over I'm working my magic kissen her and shit her breathe smellin like cigarettes and ass. After about 30 minutes of dealing with that bull shit of course I smacked those wasn't proud but sometimes you gotta do you and low key she had some solid. But unfortunately I had to sit there and lay with the chick till the morning she snoring and shit taking 3/4ths of the bed. You live and you learn though but not really cuz I hit a couple more times but like I said she had some solid.

First Going Out

After a while I start getting bored just chillen at the crib and I tell Marko to take me out. He like yeah bro and introduces me to his turn up squad which consists of an older couple ernad and Selma that turn tf up and there two bad ass friends which I won't name cuz I got some stories about them. I'm like smooth Bruh these chicks is solid and the older couple cool af turns out they become like family to me. Anyways they come to the crib bring some vodka and some bootleg European red bull. I'm Puttin them on some future. To this day ernad's favorite song is 2pac by future. After we get faded we drive up to celje and hit this Slovenian club. I'm so drunk that I'm not trippen about the music but it was some live Slovenian band bull shit that niggas can't understand. People were in there gettin it tho and they were lookin at me crazy cuz they had never really seen a black dude. But it wasn't a bad crazy it was like an interested crazy. I'm dancing with the two bad ones but one of them is flame to me. She older bad af smart and speaks English. I low key think I'm in love. The other one bad to but she's younger and speaks zero English so I'm thinking I'm gonna take my chances with the older one. I'm in her ear all night like a qtip but I can't get her to budge. Plus I been drinking all night so I prolly was saying some bull shit anyways but I give myself an a for effort cuz I was persistent. The club is poppin but in Slovenia clubs stay open until 7 or 8 in the morning. We got there at 1 and by 530 I was tired af and ready to go home. I beg Ernad to take me home and he stops and gets me a fire ass gyro kebab.

After that I'm in them Slovenian streets every weekend with my little squad, and we got a variety of spots we go to. One is a more American spot that plays corny American pop songs but it's English so I fucked with it. Plus there were some bad ones in there. We used to get dumb ass faded in there. One time I brought my homie Avery and he got white boy wasted. We found that nigga sleep in the club. Then when we sent him home with one of Selmas homegirls that's married and had some kids he came straight at her in the car. He's a fool for that. Also one time we were in there some guy got so drunk and cut himself on a piece of glass. Blood was every on the dance floor and these wild Slovenian mother fuckers was dancing all in it and shid I almost threw up when I saw that. Me personally spent most of my time getting fabo and trying to get at the older chick. Literally every time she went out with us I would tell myself I'm not gonna come at her it's a waste of time and then I would see her and all that shit went out the window. Sad thing is she never through a nigha no tang.

Neighbor Chick

Wow we're do I start with this one. So when I first get to Slovenia I peep this blonde chick that stays in our apartment complex. She's low key smooth blonde with some buns on her and I would joke and tell my roomates if I catch her a lone Imma come straight at her. They would just laugh cuz they didn't think I was serious but I was dead ass. Anyways days would go by and we would see her but I could never catch her by herself plus her English was suspect so I didn't really know what to say. After a while I was like fuck it and would just say hey or how are you doing everytime I saw her and I low key was getting a vibe from her that she was on. I was trying to tell my homies but they didn't believe me. Finally one day I caught her ass in the elevator by myself and I knew it was my time to shine. I talked to her for a little bit and found out she coach tennis and has like a 8 year old kid. I start seeing the lil nigga around saying what's up to him and shit. After me and the neighbor chicks convo she found me on Instagram and thats when I knew it was a wrap. I slid in them dm's like a white sorority chick after mikes in Pullman when it's Icey outside. To my surprise she was fucking with me but talking about some weird shit like meet me in the hallway in 30 minutes. I go to the hallway to meet her and she talking about she don't know where to go so we can just ride the elevator up and down and talk. I'm thinking to myself what kind of retarded shit is that but when a niggas thirsty he will low key do anything. We ride the elevator up and down a couple times and she's like ok let's go for a walk. We go for a walk and everytime she sees someone she starts acting weird. Like she don't know me or some shit but I was like fuck it this must be how Slovenians act. After walking around for a little bit we go back up to the apartment and I walk her to the door. She was like my son is out of town and you can ask me anything so my thirsty ass of course was like what's good I'm trying to come in then. She acting all weird like naw I'll just come to your place in 15 minutes. I'm like smooth and go to the crib and clean up some shit so I don't look like a little grimey nigga. She comes through and this girl is a freak. She doing all types of grown shit and I'm like wow. So after this encounter she become a regular but for some reason she is really sketchy about everything. Like she would either come real late night or in between practices in the middle of the day which low key fucked up my nap time but definitely worth it. But when she came I had to pretend like my roomates didn't know she was there when of course they can hear her loud ass in the room. She be like tip toing to my apartment lookin around and shit. I'm thinking to myself does this chick have a man but I'm really not caring cuz she like 30 and she has that fire flame. Like I'm talking next level shit one time she brought over some oil and gave a nigga a massage and some other shid man was that poppin but I digress. She keeps getting sketchier and sketchier like she won't meet me in public places and if I catch her at the store or the coffee bar she act like she never seen a nigga before. There's was one stretch of time when she gave me some bullshit story talking about she can't see me for a month. I'm like ok cool I'm not trippen but she continues to write me everyday. Then I be seeing her ass with a dude that I'm pretty sure is her husband around the city. So I'm thinking her husband must travel a lot and I'm her booty call when he leaves which I'm not really that upset about honestly thats some European giglo type shit. What really did it for me though was this one time when she got mad at me. She thought she seen a chick come into my crib with her spying ass but really it was just the lady that lives down stairs from me. She had her apartment numbers mixed up. I'm trying to explain to her dumb ass that it wasn't my apartment but of course she can't really understand cuz like I said her English is suspect. So she's like meet me by the elevator we need to talk. I'm like ok cool I go to talk with her and we're just chopping it up when this old ass lady walks down the stairs. This bitch runs away from me and goes and hides in her apartment. Then once the lady leaves has the nerve to run back out and continue the conversation like she didn't just do some weird shit. I even confronted her like um did you just run and hide and she ignored me completely. I'm like this chick is crazy but I still hit a couple more times after that.